1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."

Some people struggle with depression because they live in the past, but what I struggle with is anxiety because I live in the future. The future easily becomes something that i fear. And when this fear of the future creeps up, it paralyzes me from living in freedom in today.

This fear ultimately comes from not trusting God. Fear comes from worshipping a God of punishment who withholds grace, conditonally loves, and is quick to become angry. Fear is doubting that God cares enough for us to provide for our every need. Fear says that God is not enough. Fear is living in unbeleif, that God is the God of love.

It is like I am standing in an ocean, and the waters are my experience of God. I stand knee deep in them, farther then I've ever been before and I see that every step behind me was worth it. But as I look ahead to the deeper waters, and the waves that are taller than I am, I am afraid to take another step. "Are you worth it God, are you worth going deeper with?" This is the inward reserve of my heart as I hesitate to go one step farther.

But what he speaks to me in his gentle voice is that I am worth it. I am worth it to him. I am worth more than the blood of Jesus and he does not desire to leave me as I am. And as I understand more in my heart who this God of love is, the fear is being cast out. It's being evicted and forced to leave as it is replaced by the truth of who God is. And the waves become less scary and more inviting because the truth about God makes me hungry for more.

He is not the God of punishment who I have worshipped for long but he is tender and gentle and steadfast in his love. The blood of Jesus is enough and he lavishes his grace on his children.

His perfect love is what casts out fear and I desire to be perfected in that love. I want to know it, beleive it, abide in it, and rest in it. Take me deeper in your love God.

I'm standing knee deep but I'm out where I've never been.
And I feel you coming and I hear your voice on the wind.
Won't you come and tear down the boxes that i have tried to put you in,
Let love come teach me who you are again.

-Bethel "In over my head"