Matthew 25:21 "His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master."

Sometimes I wonder what the future holds. What will I do after I return home? How will it be living in the states again? What is God's plan for my life? I hardly even know what I want to do with my life, will God show me?

But through these questions, wonderings, and worries, the Lord has pressed onto my heart to simply just be faithful with what he was given me for this time. It is not a question of 'what is God's plan for my life?' and then wondering and waiting until it is revealed. It is a question of 'what is God's plan for the time I am in now?' and choosing to walk in it.

In this parable of the servants and the talents, the master entrusted to each of his servants a certain amount of talents based on their ability. He expected each of his servants to faithfully invest his talents. No matter how small the amount was that they were given, He expected the talents to be used to bring more talents and not to be wasted. To the servants who were faithful with the amount that they had been given, he rewarded them with more to be faithful with.

Likewise, he has entrusted me with this time and this ministry. Whether to me it seems like a big thing or a small thing it does not matter, only that i am faithful in it. Because, as Warren Wiersbe pointed out to me in "The Bumps Are What You Climb On", the small things are what show who I really am, they determine if I will be capable to handle something bigger. The small things may seem small, but the Lord is able to bring a beautiful harvest from seeds faithfully sown.

I was so encouraged by Pastor Chuck, the former head pastor of the New Life Church, and his testimony of how the Lord led him to Cambodia. When he was asked if he always had a heart to spread the gospel oversees, or if he had a vision for a long time to go to the people of Cambodia, he said that that was not necessarily true. After he and his wife became Christians, they started out their ministry to the church by cleaning the bathrooms. Just simply cleaning the bathrooms. As they served faithfully in that, they began working in children's ministry, and as they served faithfully in that, the Lord led them to the next thing, and then the next. Finally the Lord called them to simply take the ministry that they were doing in the United States and transfer it to a cross cultural setting. And of course, as faithful and willing servants of the Lord, they said yes.

Faithful in cleaning the bathrooms. The dirty work that nobody cared to do. The unimportant job that nobody really noticed. But the Lord did.

I desire to be faithful with what the Lord has called me to during this time. Some things may seem to me bigger and more important to me than other little things that seem like they don't matter. But in God's eyes, the small things are the big things too.

God has not called me to the future, he has called me to this time, to soak up and be faithful in what he has called me to for this time.

Mark 9:22-24 "'...But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.' And Jesus said to him, 'If you can'! All things are possible for one who beleives.' Immediately the Father of the child cried out and said, "I beleive; help my unbeleif!"

The Father of this demon possessed child had already brought his child before the disciples, they could not cast out the demon. In desperation he came before Jesus, "If you can do anything"! Here was this desperate circumstance, and the father cried out to Jesus to help him if he could, help him if it was in his power to do so!

How often am I the same as this man. My first inclination when fear arises, when I feel my weak capabilities loosing control, sadly is to try to figure it out myself. Tossing and turning the matter over in my mind, depending on my weakness for strength. Maybe even consulting those around me to help me to get control of the situation. Why do i hestitant to turn to Jesus for help? Why do I question the faithfulness of my Savior? The lack of my faith is so evident. Sure, I beleive that Jesus can but do I beleive that he will?

But I am finding more and more that in the midst of my frantic mind, when fear and dread begin to rise up in me, the freedom comes when I come to the Lord as this man did, "Lord I beleive, but will you help my unbeleif." Here, Lord, is my unbeleif. Here Lord is my heart and all of its rawness, not some patched up, masked up thing, so hidden by fakeness that it is indecipherable. I love to try to bring that before God, "Here is my heart God, I tried to fix it up a little."

He wants ALL of my heart. He just wants me to give it all to him. He doesn't ask me to work on it first before I bring it, he just wants me to bring everything, even the dirty parts. And when I show it all, when I talk about it with him instead of myself, that is faith. Here is my lack of faith God, here it is. I tried to pretend that it's not there, I tried to make it not be there but I cant. God will you take this.

It turns out that the demon plaguing the child, was one that could only be driven out by prayer. That is why all other sources were powerless. All Jesus wanted was for them to come before him and him alone with there great need.

And Jesus wants the same from me. To come before him, in rawness and honesty, believing that he will help my unbeleif.

Matthew 11:28-39 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Genesis 2:7 "then the LORD God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living creature."

Dust. This seemingly insignificant particle of the earth. The ugly filth that stains the feet. Dust is dirty, it is dirt really. This is what the LORD God choose to make man out of. And a song comes to mind,

"You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of dust."

God chose this ugly, this dirty, this insignificant thing that I hardly give a thought to except when there is the bothersome duty of removing it, God took it and made out of it a beautiful creature, he called that creature good and breathed the breath of life into his frame. But the part that encourages me the most was brought to mind as I thought of the next phrase of the song,

"You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us."

Because I am that seemingly insignificant human, who has dirt and stains and scars. No matter how hard I try, I can't make them go away. I cannot make myself beautiful. But God has chosen to make me beautiful. He has chosen to take my messiness and create out of it something beautiful. Like the dust, dead and lifeless, he has chosen to breathe into me the breath of life.

"As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame, he remembers that we are dust."

He knows that I am weak. And he is not this God who is looking down on me and wondering, shaking his head at the fact that all the time I fail. And yes I fail, again and again. But he knows that I am weak and he does not condemn me for it. I am the one who condemns myself for being weak, I am the one who has difficulty trusting him to make a beautiful thing out of me, so just in case, I try to do it myself. I like to think that i can, somehow i think that i am trustworthy more than God to do this work. This is a silly thing to do, because can dust make itself beautiful? Can dust breath on its own?

But no, as God created something beautiful out of dust, he is creating something beautiful out of us. I must rest that he is making a beautiful thing. It is his breath giving me life, and nothing out of my own strength.

"All this pain, I wonder if I'll ever find my way. I wonder if my life could really change, at all. All this earth, could all that is lost ever be found? Could a garden come up from this ground at all?"

"You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of dust. You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us."

-Gungor "Beautiful Things"

To practically apply this verse, I will worship to this song

Psalms 13:5-6 "But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt abundantly with me."

I love the rawness of the Psalms. The heartfelt, honest prayers of the Psalmist, pouring his heart to God. The Psalm begins as the Psalmist desparatly cries out asking,

"How long O LORD will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me. How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow to my heart all the day? How long shall my enemies be exalted over me?"

So often, when circumstances seem bleak, it is easy to wonder, where is the Lord? Why hasn't he come and saved the day by now? Where is victory? How long will it be before my enemies are silented? Situations and feelings threaten to defeat and discourage. Maybe we don't see the Lord work in the way we think he should.

These same feelings seem to bombard the mind of the one who wrote this Psalm. Although instead of harboring these questions, letting doubt eat away at his mind, he brings them honestly before the Lord. And then he remembers the character of the Lord, "But if have trusted in your steadfast love..." He is reminded of the love of the Lord. Whatever he is dealing with may seem out of control. It may seem like the Lord is hiding, is not showing his face. But there is his unfailing love. That love that i can go back to, that i can trust and rest in, even when I don't understand.

The Psalmist chooses also to give thanks. To rejoice because of his salvation. To sing because of the abundance of his blessings. Situations tempt to change our view of God, but he does not change. He is always good. He always loves me.

I must choose, in the good and the bad, to recognize God's goodness and his consistent love. His character is not transient like circumstances are, no, it is steadfast. As Roy Hession pointed out to me ("The Bumps Are What You Climb On"), when I have faith in the God who is love, I will be able to give thanks, even in what may seem like a difficulty.

To practically apply this verse, I will begin, on a sheet on my wall, a list of blessings he has abundantly given.

Psalms 5:11 "But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult you."

In the two verses before this one I find David asking God for justice on his enemies. Asking him to "make them bear their guilt" because their transgressions are many, they have lying mouths and destructive hearts. They have rebelled against God and deserve no good.

Without fully comprehending these verses, a part of me cringes. The justice of God is a sobering realization. Condemnation will whisper, telling me to look at all myself and my multitude of sins. Sins that deserve nothing less than what these evil men deserve. Yes, their judgement is fair.

But. The chapter does not continue to tell me that, those who are good enough, those who have no transgressions, these are the ones blessed of the Lord. No it says, "But let all who take refuge in you rejoice." All who take refuge. It's like this cover of protection, for surely I deserve the wrath of God. I dont deserve redemption, peace with God. I dont deserve him. But Jesus covered me with himself, a place of refuge. As I look out the window of this refuge, the judgement for my sins still rains down around, but it cannot touch me because Christ is covering me, and he is bearing it. There is my sin and all I deserve. But there is this beautiful refuge of grace.

Justice is a sobering thought without seeing his great love. Verse 7 comforts me also. "But I, through the abundance of your love, will enter your house..." Again right before this verse, a picture of all who cannot stand before God, the wicked, boastful, evil doers, liars, bloodthirsty,  deceitful. How will I ever stand before God? "But...through the abundance of your love." Nothing of me, like, through the abundance of my goodness. No, only through his love.

I try, oh I love to try to conjur up something of myself to fix myself, to make myself more worthy. But I hopelessly despair. The reality is that, the only rest that there is lies in that shelter, that refuge of grace which is Him. This refuge of grace doesn't require any goodness, of which I am so painfully lacking, to enter. It only bids that i come and in it find shelter.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

In the earlier part of the chapter Paul tells of visions and revelations that he has been allowed to witness. Things so surpassingly great, 'things that cannot be told, which man may not utter.' And thorn was given to Paul to keep him humble, because the privledge of these visions, the amazing experience of them was a temptation for conceit. However this thorn he was given looked, I do not know, but Paul wanted the thorn to be taken, he asked the Lord several times that it would be removed. Yet the Lord did not remove the thorn, He only revealed himself as enough.

The Lord didn't allow Paul to have it all together. He allowed this thorn to remain so that Paul would keep coming back to Him, looking to Him in dependance. How much like Paul am I. I may long for and desire that he would just take this away, just change this. Just take away my desire to sin in the first place! But no, he does not promise to just give me the easy way. He allows these hard things that painfully show my insufficiency, so that I am forced to look outside of myself, to Him, Jehovah, Great I AM.

"...we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us..." (2 Corinthians 1:8-10)

How freeing it is that the Lord uses weak creatures! The hopelessness and despair comes when I try to be that which I am not: strong and able to carry myself. Like Roy Hession pointed out to me in his book "We Would See Jesus," I love to try to climb the wall when all Jesus asks me to do is go through the door, himself. I love to try in my own power to work for something that he has already accomplished. I try to improve myself by myself, and utterly fail. If only I can admit my nothingness, my inability, he is there waiting to fill with himself, He IS everything I need.

To practically apply this verse, I will write out some ways in my life where I see need and weakness. I will admit to Jesus my nothingness to fill these places, asking him to fill them with himself.

Matthew 6:5 "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synoguogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full."

The hypocrites, they pray to be seen. He seeks an audience when he speaks to God. This act of godliness looks pure on the outside but the motive of the heart is far from the words. The words may praise God but the heart is seeking only for his own praise. Their heart is far from true worship to God, true humility before him. And their reward has no more depth than their prayer.

The next verse exemplifies how we are to pray instead. "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:6).

I don't think that the proper application of this verse is to never pray in front of others. But it is defiantly an exhortation to check the motives before prayer. Doing to be seen by others is hypocrisy, as it is praising God with the mouth, but the heart being far from him. When I worship or pray with other beleivers I need to focus on God and not be self conscious of the others around me. I dont need to be so careful to use nice words and language, all that needs to be said are words of sincerity from the heart.

This sincere prayer, when the consciousness of God is on the fore front of the mind even when praying in front of man, will come easily when praying in private is already a habit. When I regularly take time to go by myself and pray, my motive will not be so tainted by man's approval and I will be able to pray sincerly from the heart.

I desire to apply this personally next time I pray in front of others by being intentional about keeping the consciousness of a God on my mind instead of the people I am praying in front of.